Dealing with Death

It has been several weeks since my last entry, and it's all because of death..

About 5 weeks ago, the kids and I came home to a strange feeling and an odd odor. I checked around, only to realize that Nuzzles, my kids well-loved pet hamster, had died. The kids saw him and immediately recognized what had happened. Needless to say, they were quite upset, although Donovan was trying very hard to be brave and not cry. We buried him, outside in our flower garden, and marigolds are growing on top of his grave.

Then, about 10 days later, their great-grandfather got very sick with pneumonia. He was suffering from advanced stage Alzheimer's Disease, so the illness hit him hard. He ended up in hospice care, to make him comfortable, for the doctors had done all they could. The kids saw him about a week before he died on May 30. Both were sad to witness his condition. Ethan, the wise-beyond-his-years son, said to me "I feel sorry for Great Papa, Mommy. I think he needs to go home to Jesus." Well, he did.

These experiences had me thinking about children dealing with death for the first time. Usually, it is the result of losing a beloved pet-like my kids lost Nuzzles. A lot of times, kids think that they will see the pet the next day, as if nothing happen. When the cage or dog bed stays empty, then reality sets in. Fido (Nuzzles) is not coming back. When children loose family members to death, typically they may be older, but may experience the same feeling-that they will see them next time.

When your child experiences the death of someone(thing) they love, honesty is always best. I do not agree with saying that the deceased person is "sleeping". Rather, I share with my children the belief that they are no-longer on the earth with us, living, but that their spirit is still here. They watch over us and marvel at the things we do. They are with God and are free from sickness, disease and getting old. They will see us again one day. It is better than saying they are sleeping, because then your child will expect them to wake up, which could be a problem later when they don't wake up. In all cases, whether you share my belief of an afterlife or not, honesty with children about death is always the best route. Allowing them to share their feelings about it in a caring, supportive environment will help to ease the feelings of loss and help children move on when the grieving is done.

God Bless you until next time.